Heartfelt Apology
by andrastaie
Summary: The Inquisitor realizes Solas seeks more from their relationship than she's able to give. Set after All New, Faded for Her.


Ellana stalked across Skyhold like a predator. Eyes narrowed, jaw set. She had one singular goal in mind. As she swept through the main hall, even the whispering of the nobles - that often made her ears burn - did nothing to hinder her progress. It wasn't until she crossed the threshold into the rotunda that she stopped. Keen eyes darted about the room. It was quiet, only the small crackle of a lit torch or the cawing of the crows drifting down from the rookery. More importantly, it was empty. Ears lowered slightly in annoyance, lip peeling back in frustration.

"He's not here, you know."

The strong voice fell down from above and Ellana's head snapped upward. Immediately her eyes landed on Dorian, the mage leaned casually over the railing looking down at her. She was certain that was a smile on his lips, the slight quirk of his mustache giving it away.

"You know where he went?" Her tone was sharp, commanding more than asking.

Dorian shrugged and she narrowed her gaze at him. His hands came up defensively, an apology written across his body language. Frustration and impatience over took her and she threw her hands up. Spinning on one bare heel, Ellana stormed out to the main hall.

For the next hour or more, Ellana stalked back and forth across Skyhold. Eyes ever narrowed and frustration painted on her delicate features. None of her friends had seen Solas, not since they'd returned from the Plains.

Anger and frustration eventually bled away, lost to the winds as worry began to take their place. What if he wasn't coming back? Creators! What if it was because of how she'd acted?

Gnawing on her lower lip, Ellana wearily climbed the steps to her room. Having spent the majority of her day searching, she had given up. Clearly he did not wish to be found if he had managed to hide so well. Ellana stopped at her door. It was partially open, not as she recalled leaving it. Unsettled, she pulled a small knife from within her robes. Inching forward, she scanned the room. It did not, however, take long to notice the intruder. The knife clattered to the floor.

"Lethallin?" Her voice was breathless, surprise and disbelief lacing together.

Solas flinched. "Ma vhenan."

Bending down, Ellana picked up her knife. Stashing it away as she stepped cautiously forward. Her stomach did an uncomfortable twist in her belly as she stopped just shy of arm's length.

"Where were you? I've been looking everywhere." Frustration cracked her voice, accent coming out thick.

"I needed some time," he explained simply, pacing away from her and out to the balcony. "But I heard you were looking for me, I knew you would return soon enough." A smile was flashed in her direction.

"I was worried."

Ellana pursed her lips, following after him. She made it a point to avoid reflecting his smile, instead moving past him to the railing. Setting her hands along it, she stared out at the setting sun. Her fingers curled around the cold stone, breathing out a deep sigh.

"We need to talk." This wasn't what she'd sought him for. Her prior anger having subsided hours ago. It wasn't worth rekindling the frustration, the anger that he'd simply _left her alone_ on the Plains. After she'd dropped everything to help him. To help his friend. Ellana inhaled a deep breath, exhaling slowly to ease back her emotions. Even as the anger threatened to rise to the surface, she knew it wouldn't do to lose sight of what really needed to be said. To finally lift the weight off her chest, the thoughts that had been plaguing her mind.

"Oh? What about?"

There was a curiosity in his tone. She found she both pitied and envied it. He would reconsider that curiosity, of this Ellana was certain.

"Us."

Silence met Ellana's ears and slowly she turned to look at him. His gaze was studious upon her, posture tense, but features relaxed. Calm, almost. She hated it. Turning away again sharply, her eyes drifted across Skyhold.

"I…" her voice cracked. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she closed her eyes. "Ir abelas, I can't do this."

"I know."

She froze, whole body tensing as she turned her head slowly to look at him. His eyes were looking beyond her, at the same point she had been staring at. His expression was unreadable and her stomach twisted uncomfortably. "What?" she choked out, shock flashing through her eyes.

"Cole told me."

"But-" _Creators_, that boy would be the death of her.

Solas held up a hand to silence her before he continued. "It does not change how I feel." His eyes were surprisingly warm as he turned to look at her.

Her heart clenched in her chest, her knuckles turning white with her grip on the stone. The urge to turn and hug him was strong, she'd never expected acceptance. Never expected that this could go well. In fact, she'd resigned herself to seeing this through to the end with him. That, in time, she would grow to love him as much as he loved her. Her fingers twitched, but she kept them in place. It was all that prevented her from doing something foolish. Or that which she knew would be foolish.

"No matter what happens," Solas said quietly, "know that I will always love you."

Ellana looked away from him, tears welling in her eyes. "Ir abelas." She repeated softly. "I hope you can forgive me, lethallin." Her voice was a hoarse whisper, one that Ellana was unsure he'd heard; for when she turned to see him, to gauge his reaction, he had gone.


End file.
